Just Friends
by Hydroleaf
Summary: After Kyle said he won't share the prize money he won with Cartman, he tells Mr. Mackey that Stan and Kyle are gay. The parents overeacted when told. Can the best friend duo prove them wrong? Note: I don't own ANYTHING in this story. : boo hoo
1. Chapter 1: Lucky Can

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman were sitting on Stan's couch. Their eyes were focused on the television screen. An interesting commercial was on.

"Have you ever wanted to sneakily video tape or take pictures of people?" asked a man on the screen. "Well, for $99.99, you can get the Super Ultra Tom Peeper 300! This device is so minute; your friends will not notice they are being watched! It doesn't make a sound, either. All you have to do is assemble the video watcher so you can listen and watch people. Place the tiny video camera on a flat surface and wait for your friends and family to come. Catch your neighbors in the dirty act! See what your friend will be wearing today! Easily guard your room from your family! It comes with a flash-less camera, too! Buy the Super Ultra Tom Peeper 300!"

"That sounds awesome!" Kenny cheered, raising his hands. His voice was muffled as usual.

"Yeah, dude! If Shelly gets really mad at me, I could escape out of my house before she even reaches her door," Stan said, placing his hand on his chin.

Cartman didn't care about using the item to protect himself from people. He wanted to use the product for money, or better yet, for betraying his friends. He could use the item to watch Kyle and get embarrassing video clips of his innocent Jewish enemy.

"I'm thirsty…" Kyle moaned. "What do you have to drink here, Stan?"

"Well, we have some Pepsi, a Mountain Dew, and Sunny D."

Cartman, bored, decided to begin making fun of Kyle. "You can't have any sodas or juices, Kyle. Jews can only drink things they find on the street!"

"Shut up, fat ass!" Kyle never reacted kindly to Eric's bigotry.

"Whaa!! I'm so scared…" Cartman sarcastically whined.

Kyle rolled his eyes and hopped off the couch. Stanley followed his action. The two walked in the kitchen.

"Cartman's such an ass. Why do we even invite him to come over? He's practically useless," Kyle mumbled, walking towards the fridge.

Stan, who is use to hearing this kind of ranting from Kyle, whispered to himself, "Thanks for stating the obvious…" "Cartman is a big piece of crap, but he's not that bad, I guess," he said in a normal tone.

"Yeah… I'm sure someone out there is way worse than Cartman."

Stan opened the fridge and told Kyle to choose which drink he wanted. Kyle reached for the Pepsi that was in the door of the fridge. He was attracted to the yellow logo on the top corner of the can that read in bold, all-caps letters, "**WIN $3,000! JUST GRAB THE LUCKY CAN!**" Stan and Kyle walked back to the couch and sat down.

Kyle wiped the top of the can with his orange sleeve. "I wonder if this can is lucky."

_Or shaken up… _Cartman begged to himself.

According to the directions, you have to drink the soda first in order to see the message at the bottom of the can that said if you won or lost. Kyle began to open up his can. He removed the clip, but a big surprise sprayed from the can as soon as he opened it up.

"_Sphrrrrrrrr- splish_!!!" sprayed the can. Kyle was slightly stained with the soda. Some of the Pepsi on his clothes dripped on the couch and was absorbed in the furniture. The red head was not completely soaked from the can, but was still obviously wet. The can was still in his grip.

"…shit…" Kyle sighed. A few snickers were heard on both sides of him. Then the room was silent. Someone finally broke the silence.

"**HAHAHAHAAHAAAA~**" crackled Cartman. His hysterical laughter controlled Stan and Kenny and the three laughed at their friend.

"I take back what I said before: all of you are asses!" Kyle was less confident about winning now. With the little hope inside of him, Kyle drank the remaining Pepsi that didn't betray him. When he finished drinking the soda, he peeked inside of the can to see if he won the prize money.

"Damn it! It says "You Win!" Kyle dropped his head down. His three friends looked at him like he was delirious.

"You won!?" Kenny asked. You could see the excitement in his eyes.

"Oh my God! That's awesome, dude!" Stan cheered, turning to look at Kyle.

"I won? Holy crap; I did win!" Kyle was joyous.

"How do you get the money!? How do you get the money!?" Cartman asked, begging to know. He pushed Kenny off the couch and took his spot. He studied the aluminum can.

Kyle rolled the can around in his hand and searched for instructions. "It says here to mail the can to a place in New Jersey and they will send back a box of cash to your address. Sounds simple. How about I split the money! Then we'll all have $1,000!" Kenny and Stan showed their approval by bobbing their heads up and down. Cartman wanted to make his opinion known by everyone, though.

"Hella yeah! _$1,000~ $1,000~_" Cartman sung out. He started to wave his hands in the air and sway them back and forth like a stubby palm tree blowing in the breeze.

"You're not getting shit, Cartman…" Kyle shouted. Cartman ceased with his hand waving.

"What!? Yes I am, Kyle!"

"Cartman, give me one good reason why I should even consider giving you _one_ dollar!"

"Umm… I helped you find a cure for AIDs," Cartman reminded.

"You gave me AIDs," Kyle sternly countered. "Any other painful memories you'd like to remind me of?"

"I helped you, Stan, and Butters watch delicious baby cows-"

"Only because I nearly strangled you to death for saying you wouldn't help us after you farted in my face!"

Cartman walked towards the door leading out of the house. "I'm leaving you fags! I don't need you guys to get money anyway!" With that, he left the house.

"What a pussy…" Stan teased. Kenny picked himself off the floor. Stan and Kyle jumped off the couch. The three remaining boys searched around Stan's house for a small box.


	2. Chapter 2: So Gullible

It was about 7:31 AM. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were standing around the mailbox. Kyle was holding a small, brown rectangle box. He carefully slid the box inside of the mailbox and closed the top.

"The money will come back soon, right?" Kenny asked.

"I hope so… I never checked to see when the money will be sent back," Kyle answered. They walked away from the mailbox to the bus stop. When they arrived, they noticed Cartman was already there waiting.

"Well, hi, my lovely friends!" Cartman greeted. He walked towards Kyle and embraced him in a hug. He then released the Jew and hugged Stan, then Kenny.

"No," said Kyle. He knew Cartman was just trying to act magnanimous so he can get a share of the money.

Cartman returned next to Kyle and shouted, "What the hell? I didn't even say anything yet!"

"Cartman, it's blatant to everyone that sooner or later, you are going to ask me about the money again. Trying to be sweet and mannerly won't assist you now…"

"I already told you I don't need your damn money!!!" Cartman squealed, slightly straining his voice. The bus soon rolled to the corner at the bus stop. The four boys walked on the bus and sat in the seats at the far back. Stan and Kyle sat next to each other. Kenny and Cartman sat together on the seats beside their friends. The boys talked for a little bit until the bus stopped at the school. The children walked out of the bus and entered South Park Elementary. After going to their lockers, the 4th graders walked to Mr. Garrison's classroom.

"Sit down, students. Today, we're going to learn about how Nickelodeon is going downhill by trying to steal Disney show themes. Now, it all started when Disney changed from many animated shows to actually filming real people in shows. Nickelodeon noticed how many teenagers watched their dumb ass shows and thought _Hey! If their shows are now played using actual people and gets good ratings, screw Spongebob; we can do the same!_"

No one was actually paying attention to the rambling teacher. Stan and Kyle were having sidebar conversations while Mr. Garrison continued on for about half an hour.

"Dude, I heard from my dad that there's an old abandoned shed in the forest next to this old guy's house," Stan whispered to Kyle.

"Awesome! Maybe we can look inside and claim it before someone else finds out and takes it."

"Good idea. Let's not tell Cartman, though. His fat ass would block the door and we won't be able to get in!"

Kyle quietly giggled at his friend's joke, but suddenly looked pensively at his desk. "If the shed has been out there for a while, isn't it likely going to be tangled in grass and covered in moss? What would we do then?"

The two thought about what they could do for a few minutes. Suddenly, Kyle finally thought of an answer to his own question.

"Cartman can eat the moss off! He needs the nutrients…" Kyle and Stan tightly closed their eyes and laughed. Unfortunately, Mr. Garrison didn't find anything funny.

"Stan, Kyle, what are you two laughing about? I don't see what's funny about Nickelodeon stealing crap from Disney. Tell the class what made you two giggle…"

"Um, well, Mr. Garrison, we thought it's kind of hilarious that Nick is that desperate to make money and not go out of business…" sputtered Stan, tugging the red edge of his hat. It wasn't his best excuse, but he had to say something.

"Oh. In that case, I completely understand you. Moving on…"

"Nice swift thinking…" Kyle whispered to Stan.

Later, the class went to lunch. After getting their tray, the students selected a table to sit at. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters sat on the far right side of the lunchroom.

"Do you want your fruit, guys?" asked Butters, their goodie-goodie, innocent friend.

"You can have mine," Stan said, pushing his tray next to Butters. Butters scooped up the fruit into his fruit slot and began to feast on the assorted healthy sweets.

"Where is Cartman?" asked Kenny, noticing his absents.

"I think he went to tell Mr. Mackey something in his office. At least I think he is…" answered Butters.

Cartman was, in fact, sitting in Mr. Mackey's office. He was about to convince Mr. Mackey to believe in a huge lie.

"M- Mr. Mackey, I want to tell you some… disturbing… news. I- I just don't know how to tell you."

"Aww… What's the matter, Eric? Is everything mmkay?"

"Unfortunately, no… It- It's about Stan and Kyle. I think they are doing stuff with each other.

Mr. Mackey raised an eyebrow and asked, "What kind of stuff are they doing?"

"Oh, hug and kiss each other, hang around each other in private, things like that. I saw them playing leap frog in the bathroom. Their pants were d-"

Mr. Mackey told Cartman he could stop describing what Stan and Kyle do.

"Whoa! I see your friends are a little… close… I'll talk to Stan and Kyle about this. Thanks for informing me about the two. Now, try to forget everything we talked about today in here, mmkay?"

"Yes sir!" cooed Cartman, aware that his friends' reputation has now suffered a fatal injury. He stepped out of his seat and ran to his next class, for lunch was already over.

"Oh yeah! Don't spread Stan and Kyle's problems around the school, Eric, mmkay?" Mr. Mackey warned, hoping the 4th grader heard what he said. He then stood up and walked to Principal Victoria's office so he could use the intercom. He pressed the red button on the device and spoke into the microphone.

"Stan and Kyle, please quickly report to the Counseling Office."

Stan and Kyle were in Mr. Garrison's class when they heard the message. Cartman was already in the room at his desk.

"Ha ha haa ha ha~" Cartman silently sang. Stan and Kyle got out of their seats and walked to Mr. Mackey's counseling office. Mr. Mackey was already back in his room, sitting in his chair. The two sat in their seats.

"Why, hello boys! You two are probably wondering why you're back here."

"We aren't in trouble, are we?" asked Kyle.

"No! I just want to ask you a question, mmkay." Stan and Kyle turned to each other. They had no clue why they were being interrogated, but they decided to just follow what Mr. Mackey said.

"First of all, how would you describe your friendship with each other?"

Stan answered first. "Kyle and I have been best friends practically forever. We sometimes have our disagreements, but we never stop being friends for a long period of time. He's always there for me… We're always together."

"Stan has saved my life on several occasions! Once, he said he didn't want me to die until he dies."

Kyle's eyes became teary. He quickly wiped the tears away, fearing his best friend noticed. "He also doesn't abandon me when something bad happens in this crazy town… He's the best friend anyone can ever have!" Kyle added. The two best friends shared sheepish, yet sincere expressions to each other; their cheeks were stained with pink, for they were slightly embarrassed for telling the other how they truly felt about their friendship.

"Oh lordy… Boys, please give your parents these letters, mmkay," said Mr. Mackey. He passed two letters with the boys' last names on the front of the envelope to them. The boys grabbed the paper, folded the envelope, and placed it in their pants pocket.

"Mr. Mackey, why are we in here anyway? Our visit seems a bit pointless…" Stan asked.

Mr. Mackey turned his enlarged head in different directions frantically. He didn't know what to say to make the boys get less curious.

"It's, uh, none of your concern. Please go back to class now, mmkay!" Stan and Kyle merely shrugged their shoulders and marched back to Mr. Garrison's class.


	3. Chapter 3: Straight to the Test

After the boys were dismissed from school, Kenny and Cartman decided to walk home by themselves. Stan and Kyle decided to walk home together.

"Mr. Mackey sure was annoying today. What made him ask about our friendship?" wondered Stan as he and Kyle walked in a slow, steady beat.

"I don't know…" Kyle responded, lowering his head. His voice was slightly inaudible.

Stan stopped walking. He placed his hand on Kyle's arm to get him to stop as well. "Kyle, were you about to cry when Mr. Garrison asked us about our friendship?" Kyle's eyes widened at Stan's comment. He slightly turned away from him and pulled down the flaps of his green ushanka. He wasn't sure if his friend would act understanding if he told him he was, in fact, close to crying.

"I wasn't crying! Why would I do that? It was just, um, the faulty lighting messing up my eyes!" Kyle didn't need anyone to tell him his excuse was obviously not a well planned one. He just prayed his friend would leave it at that.

"Kyle, you know I'm not a dumbass… Now tell me why you were getting emotional over the situation," Stan ordered.

"Fine, but you won't believe me." Kyle gave a short sigh and began to explain why he nearly cried. "Stan, we've been friends for so long. We have so much in common and never let each other down. If I'm not feeling well, you try your best to get me back on my feet. If I'm happy, you join me in my blissfulness. You and I sometimes end up being against the world when trouble strikes. Remembering what you said after my kidney transplant made me remember just how close we are. Yes, this conversation sounds VERY, VERY GAY, but it's the truth!"

Stan stared at his friend. Suddenly, he gave his close friend a tight hug, which caught Kyle off guard. The Jewish boy wrapped his arms around Stan as well.

Stan released Kyle from the hug. "Kyle, that was a little gay… You weren't lying, though! I completely understand what you mean. Best friends like you are rare to find, and I'm glad I found you!"

The two boys continued to walk towards Stan's house.

"We forgot about the letters Mr. Mackey gave us! Let's see what it's about," Kyle reminded. They took out their letter, opened it and read what it said:

Dear parents,

Please come up to the school at 3:00 P.M. for a brief conference about your child(ren). Your child is most likely not in trouble. This meeting could be about your child's clothing, sexuality, or mental balance.

Sincerely,

Mr. Mackey

"Oh God… we have to stay after school? This is just fucking great!" Stan sarcastically griped, pinching his nose and closing his eyes. He placed the letter back in his pocket.

"Did you have plans after school?" asked Kyle.

"No, but I can think of many things that would be more entertaining than us two having to go with our parents to speak with Mr. Mackey."

"Yeah…" Kyle sighed. The two walked with each other until they reached Stan's house, where Stan greeted Kyle farewell. Stan walked into his house and sat his backpack on the couch. He then walked into the kitchen where his mother was located. She was sitting at the table with some coffee reading the local news section of a newspaper.

"Why hello, Stanley! Did you have a pleasant day at school?" asked Sharon as she sipped some coffee from a mug.

"It was okay… Mr. Mackey, the school counselor, asked me to give you this letter." Stan reached for the letter in his pocket and gave it to Mrs. Marsh. Suddenly, the phone rang. Stan ran to the phone and answered it.

"Dude, guess what! The money was delivered! You, Kenny, and I can finally get $1,000 each," Kyle squealed joyfully. His voice had a higher pitch.

"Really? Oh my God; that's awesome!" Stan cheered as he clenched his fist and moved it close to his chest.

"Tomorrow after school, I'll give you guys the money. I'm trying to separate these damn $20 bills right now…"

"Okay. Kyle?"

"Yeah, Stan?"

"Thanks, dude. Thanks for the cash. Also, be careful to not let Cartman see the money. He makes fun of you and threatens you enough; he'd probably try to murder you for it. I know you probably wouldn't take any bull from him, but it's nice to still be on the safe side…" warned the slightly concerned boy. Stan knew Cartman never liked it when Kyle was benefited and didn't want his best friend to have to suffer more from Cartman's hatred and spite.

"Fine… See ya, Stan!"

"Bye, Kyle."

The two hung up the phone. Stan played some video games until it was time for dinner. Afterwards, he went to bed.

The next day, the boys had a normal (if you can call it normal) day at school. At the end of the day, Kyle gave Kenny his share of the $3,000 before his parka wearing pal boarded the school bus. He then gave Stan $1,000. Unfortunately, Cartman apparently noticed Kyle giving Stan and Kenny something green, which triggered his curiosity.

"Hi, guys! What are you doing? Kyle, I noticed you giving Kenny and Stan something. Mind telling me what you were sharing?" Cartman sweetly asked.

"None of your business, Cartman…" Kyle muttered, turning his back to his fat friend.

"Hahahaha!!! You're so hilarious, Kyle. Now, what did you give them? Money, perhaps?"

"No, he was giving me this book," corrected Stan, taking out a green book from his backpack. Cartman gave a displeased look at the textbook.

"God damn it!" he screamed as he turned away to walk home. He decided there was no point in staying if the green he longed for served an educational purpose.

"Thanks again, dude. So we just wait at the school for our parents, I guess…" Kyle said, walking towards the school building. He would have waited outside, but he wanted to sit down in a somewhat comfortable desk or bench. Stanley followed him in. The two sat down inside the building for a few minutes until their parents, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh and Broflovski, arrived. To Stan's dismay, Shelly was with them. Ike was being cradled in Shelia's arms, sound asleep.

"Hey, turds," she insulted at her nine year old brother and his friend.

The two ignored her usual greeting. "Just follow us up to Mr. Mackey's office…" the two boys moaned. The parents listened and followed. Mr. Mackey was sitting in his office signing various papers. When the parents entered, he quickly cleaned his table and prepared for the meeting.

"Hello there, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh. Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski. As you know, we're here to discuss your sons. Kyle, Stan, if you don't mind, please step out for a second, mmkay? Just wait in the computer lab until we finish." The boys walked out of the office and went to the lab. Mr. Mackey peered through the door to make sure the boys were truly gone. The hallway was clean of any beings.

"Now that the boys are gone, we can talk about what's going on. You see, Eric Cartman, a friend of Stan and Kyle, reported that the two are, um, homosexually attracted to each other. After Eric left, I talked to your sons and asked them how they felt about their companionship. I have their answer recorded on my new Super Ultra Tom Peeper 300, mmkay."

"Wait a minute! Hold up! Are you calling my son a bitchy queer?!" Randy angrily asked, walking towards the counselor.

"What, what, _WHAT_!? My little bubbie isn't gay!" denied Shelia. She placed a hand on her hip while the other continued to hold Ike.

"I knew that turd was a fag!" cheered Shelly.

"Calm down, mmkay? Before we see if they're really gay, let's watch them answer the question I asked them," Mr. Mackey calmly stated. He then took out his Super Ultra Tom Peeper 300 video set that was concealed under his desk. He placed it on the table so everyone could see and hear it better. The parents and Shelly huddled close to the device. Mr. Mackey pressed Play under the small video screen. The parents gasped in horror after watching their sons.

"Oh no! It can't be possible! My son might be queer?" stuttered Gerald, slowly walking backwards to avoid being near the video set. Sharon rested her face in Randy's chest and sobbed.

"Don't worry, mmkay? I have an easy test that will prove if your children are gay or not. It's bound to work, mmkay," reassured the counselor. "Guys like hot women, especially when they touch each other and have dirty fun. I sent them to the computer lab so I can show them hot lesbian porn, mmkay. The boys will love it and react like us guys if they are heterosexuals. If they react in a disturbed or sickened manner…" He didn't finish the sentence.

"Are you sure this plan is going to be accurate?" asked Sharon, sniffling a little and still slightly clinging to her husband.

"Of course it's accurate! I'm sure all of the guys in here right now like looking at women!" Mr. Mackey answered. He was a bit surprised she would ask a question like that.

"Yep," Gerald responded.

"Damn straight!" Randy agreed, raising his arms to put a gap between him and his wife.

"Ooh… ya boobies," cooed Ike, slowly waking up from his nap. His comment surprised Sharon and Sheila.

"I'm going to go to the computer lab to show them the site, mmkay. In the meantime, everybody wait in the hallway."

The parents obeyed and exited the office to let Mr. Mackey go to the computer lab.

"What the hell are we suppose to do in here, dude?" asked Stan. The two boys were sitting in the second row starting from the back in the computer lab, sitting at the first computer in the row. The two doubted Mr. Mackey, heck, anyone would come. They checked all of their favorite sites on computer, but ran out of things to find.

"I guess we'll have to wait a little longer…" Kyle moaned, unenthused. His Wednesday was becoming more and more depressing the longer he had to wait.

Mr. Mackey soon arrived in the lab. The boys were relieved they did not have to idly sit in the lab, yet the two were still displeased with their teacher's tardiness.

"Hello, boys. Sorry for not getting here quicker. Now that I'm here, I want to show you this cool site on the internet that you'll without a doubt love, mmkay," Mr. Mackey said, walking towards the computer Stan and Kyle were using. He typed in the name of a website on the search bar. He pressed the enter key and a plethora of sites came up in the search results. He clicked the first link. The page loaded. It stated **YOU MUST BE 21 YEARS AND UP TO ENTER THE SITE**. A link at the bottom read, "I am 21 years or older." Mr. Mackey clicked the link and a new page appeared.

"Now, I want you two boys to explore the site, mmkay? I'll be back to see you a little later." Mr. Mackey walked out of the room back to Mr. and Mrs. Marsh and Broflovski. After about an hour, the teacher walked back to the computer lab, this time with the parents following behind. When they looked inside the lab, they shrieked in terror at their sons. Stan and Kyle were sitting on the floor covered in vomit. The ecru mess was splattered on the computer keyboard, as well as on the bottom of the computer screen. The site Mr. Mackey previously had loaded on the computer was not there anymore, for the boys closed it.


	4. Chapter 4: Hide and Seek

**I hope everybody likes the fic so far…**

"No! No, no, no, NO! My son's gay? When did my little boy turn gay?!" Shelia cried, running towards Kyle. Kyle's eyes widened and his attention grew. He tried to stand up, but was obviously struggling.

"Ga gay!" Ike squealed, mimicking his mother.

After managing to stand, Kyle asked, "Gay? Mom, what are you talking about?" with a flabbergasted expression.

Shelly walked over to Stan and slapped him firmly on his left cheek. The right side was slightly smeared with vomit, so she dared not to touch it. "That's for being a homo!" she shunned. Stan attempted to stand up as well. _What the hell…? _he thought.

"Am I missing something? Why are we being labeled gay?!"

"You just Technicolor yawned on porn and yesterday, you told each other that girly speech on how much you care about each other, mmkay. You don't have to hide anything from us," Mr. Mackey explained.

"But we're not gay! How many times do we have to say this?" Stan was confused by the whole situation.

"How can we stop them from getting any gayer?" asked Randy.

"I have an idea," Shelia answered, glaring a mischievous look at the boys.

The next day, the boys entered South Park Elementary. Something was not right, though. Police officers were inside the building, meandering back and forth through the hallways. Was a crime committed? Did someone get hurt? Maybe this is the work of over-reacting parents.

Indeed, the cops were in the school just to watch Kyle and Stan and make sure the two stay at a distance. As soon as the two boys entered with Cartman and Kenny, an adjacent police officer blew in a silver whistle, which echoed through the building and made the staff and students use their hands to cover their ears.

"Stop, you boys! Dark blue hat, green hat, stay one yard away from each other," ordered the cop.

_We have names, you know…_ muttered Kyle as he distanced himself from Stan.

"Why do we have to be a yard apart?" Stan asked. He felt he knew the reason, though.

"Your parents apprised us about how you two are, um, gay." A chorus of gasps could be heard around the officer. When he turned around, he noticed everybody who heard him remained stationary.

"Anyway, because they do not approve this behavior, they asked the mayor to allow half of the cops in South Park to watch you both at school." With that, the cop turned around and walked away.

Stan and Kyle frowned at each other. More people were questioning their sexuality.

Kenny stared at Stan and Kyle. "You two are gay?" he asked.

"Kenny, we are definitely not gay. How could you, of all people, be skeptical that we're straight?" Kyle said, glaring at Kenny fiercely.

"Kyle and Stan are faggots! Kyle and Stan are fags! Kyle and Stan are faggots! F-A-G-S; fags!" Cartman sang, waving his pointer fingers around left and right. The obese boy was joyous that his plan of ruining Stan and Kyle's social life was going well.

"Shut up, fat ass!" Stan and Kyle retorted. They didn't want outbursts like that to spread around the school. Unfortunately, the police officer ruined their chances to keep the false rumors hidden. The four boys didn't want to waste time standing around, so they continued to walk in the school to their lockers, Stan and Kyle standing next to each other, yet still at a distance.

Stan saw Tweek near his locker. He deviated away from the others to say hi. "Hi, Tweek. You're doing well today?" greeted Stan. Tweek's reaction to his greeting caught Stan off guard, though.

"AAARGH! You're GAY!" Tweek cried, twitching and running off. Kyle quickly ran next to Stan, forgetting what the cop ordered them to do.

"God damn it… No one thought we were gay before; why do they suddenly assume we are now? Was that cop really that loud?" Stan asked Kyle.

"I don't know, but Mr. Mackey was the first one to accuse us, even though he didn't verbally say so when he called us to his office. Why would he think we are gay? Are we missing some valuable information?"

Stan didn't respond to Kyle's statement, though. He saw a familiar young girl his age with long black hair and a pink beret on her head. It was his girlfriend, Wendy Testaburger.

"Stan?" Kyle called. He looked in the direction his friend was staring and soon learned why Stan stayed mute. Wendy walked towards the two boys and halted in front of Stan.

"BLECH!!!" belched Stan, throwing up in front of Wendy. The young girl was fortunate enough to evade his vomit, for she was familiar with the affect her presence has on him. Stan tightly closed his eyes and lowered his head so that his chin was pierced to his chest and his face was no longer clearly visible. He felt ashamed that Wendy most likely was going to treat him and Kyle as an outcast just because everyone else started thinking the friendly duo were really a couple.

Wendy sighed in relief that she was not soiled with vomit and said a simple hi to the two boys without any cruel remarks, which surprised them both, especially Stan.

"Wendy, you don't think we're gay?!" asked Stan and Kyle in unison.

"Why would I think you two are gay? Is something going on?" Wendy was ignorant on the whole situation.

"Well, this rumor of us being gay is spreading across the school. We thought you also thought we were gay," Kyle replied.

"Well, that's stupid; you two are just good friends like Bebe and me, not bed friends… Anyway, I have to get to class. Bye, Stan and Kyle!" Wendy walked off to Mr. Garrison's class.

"Thank God. I hope Wendy isn't the only one that thinks we're-"

Before Stan could finish his sentence, a loud, high pitch noise went off near him. Stan and Kyle pinched their ears closed as well as other students in the hallway. When the noise stopped, everybody looked dazed.

Stan and Kyle turned right and saw another cop holding a whistle.

"You two little boys need to separate this instance! Your romance is forbidden! Now distance yourselves and continue with your day before we make you!" ordered the police officer.

"We aren't gay! How many times do we have to fucking say this?" Kyle vehemently yelled as he once again stepped away from Stan. The two went to their lockers and walked to Mr. Garrison's class. Stan and Kyle usually sat next to each other, but were forced to switch places with two other students. Their other classes were just the same.

Soon, it was lunch time. The police officers were excused from watching the boys, though, because they got their break at the same time. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny sat at the same table. Kyle and Stan sat next to each other, trying to enjoy the little time they had to actually converse normally. Cartman didn't sit near them because he "wouldn't be caught dead sitting with a couple of fags".

"Cheer up, guys. At least when school is over, you can hang out normally," Kenny consoled as he stabbed his salad with a fork. His voiced was, of course, muffled from his thick parka.

"Obviously, you don't know my mom…" Kyle mumbled, picking at the food on his tray.

"I swear; if the cops stalk us outside of school, I'll never forgive my parents," Stan vowed.

"Everybody listen! Order now," said a voice in the center of the cafeteria. It was Cartman. He did not grasp anybody's attention. He decided to make a second attempt.

"Everybody focus your damn eyes over here!" Cartman ordered. Everyone in the lunchroom turned to listen to Cartman.

"Thank you. I'm somewhat, not really, sorry for interrupting your conversations and your meal, yet I feel my message to all of you will affect your life tremendously. This is mainly directed to my best friends Stan and dirty, selfish Jew- I mean, Kyle," introduced Eric in a polite, yet insulting manner.

"Cartman wouldn't…" Kyle tried to deny, knowing his sadistic friend was going to nonchalantly poke fun at him and Stan.

"I made a nice poem for my two friends. It goes something like this:

Stan and Kyle sittin' in a tree

F-U-C-K-I-N-G!

First comes love; then comes marriage.

Then comes Kyle with the baby carriage."

A brief moment of silence flooded the cafeteria. Then, a few snickers scattered around. The laughter grew and grew until everybody except Wendy, Kenny, and the victims of the slur began chanting the rhyme.

"God damn IT!" Stan griped, pinching his nose tightly. He was extremely bothered that almost everyone sided with Cartman. Kyle was just as enraged, slamming his head on the firm table.

After going to a few other classes, school was over. Cartman was outside, walking towards the bus. He was soon stopped in front of the yellow vehicle by Stan, Kyle, and Kenny, who looked pretty crossed.

"Hey, fat ass, you killed our reputation!" Stan angrily yelled. "You bastard!" Kyle added.

"Aww… I'm so sowwy for doing that, guys, but you have it all wrong! I didn't make people think you two are gay; your queerness is your own fault. No one forced you two to always stand close to each other all the time. You aren't threatened to hug each other in public. People were bound to believe your relationship reached a higher point than just friends."

Stan and Kyle turned to look at each other. An unsure expression came across their faces. Could Cartman be right? Could their friendship be the reason people suspect they are homosexuals?

"Fat kid, are you getting on the bus or what?" asked the bus driver.

"See ya tongue kissers!" smiled Cartman, boarding the school bus. Afterwards, the bus drove away, leaving a trail of confusion for the three remaining boys. Hesitating at first, the boys began to walk on the sidewalk path to their houses.

"Cartman kind of has a point… You two are close and this town takes things too seriously," considered Kenny.

"Unfortunately, Cartman might not be acting superstitious. We are always near each other and we do have physical contact sometimes," Stan agreed.

"Maybe we shouldn't display our friendship anymore, at least until our parents realize we are 100% straight," Kyle reluctantly suggested.

"Remember what I told you in Mr. Garrison's class a few days ago? You know, about that abandoned shed? We could hang out there and act like ourselves."

Kenny realized a fault in his friends' plans. "When could you meet each other, though? Your parents probably wouldn't let you two play outside unless supervision was involved," he predicted.

"We could sneak out early in the morning or late at night and hang out. My parents don't wake up to noises that easily. You, Kyle?"

"I don't know… My parents will ground me if they learned I was sneaking out of the house. Our whole plan will suffer a blow!" Kyle tugged the ear flap on the left side of his ushanka.

"We've done WAY worse, Kyle. Don't be a wuss! You'll be fine," Stan egged on, making his way in front of Kenny and Kyle and walking backwards, occasionally looking back to navigate himself safely.

"Oh, fine! Kenny, you can hang out with us at the shed, too. More company would be nice." Kenny nodded his head in agreement.

"This is great! I'm sure this will be a sure-fire pla- Ahhhhh!!!~" wailed Stan. He accidentally tripped on a smooth stone on the sidewalk and fell back. Kyle and Kenny stopped walking. Stan instinctively pulled his elbows and upper arms back to keep himself from colliding his back into the hard, rough ground.

"Oww! My ass..." cried Stan, pushing his upper body off the ground using his hands.

"Heheh... Dude, you're okay?" Kenny asked.

"If Stan's finish being clumsy, what should we bring to the shed? We'll need supplies and we'd probably need to renovate the shed, too," Kyle said.

"Tomorrow morning at 5:30, meet me at the bus stop. Bring a flash light, too. That way, we can check to see if the shed is in good quality. Kenny, do you have a flash light?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Okay. Remember to wake up and meet me at the bus stop around 5:30. Now, let's get home before our parents start to bitch..." The three boys continued to walk to their houses. After Stan reached his house and departed from the group, Kyle arrived at his house and waved goodbye to Kenny. After walking to the door, he twisted the doorknob and opened it. An unpleasant surprise waited at the couch of the Broflovski's house, though.

**Sorry for not updating quick... ''^-^**


	5. Chapter 5: Teabagarlis?

**What or who is sitting at the couch? Robbers? An evil monkey? ...Or the evil, over-controlling demons that concieved us...?**

"Hello, Kyle," said Kyle's mother in a monotone voice as she sat on the couch, her eyes not turning away from the television that was on. Beside her left leg was young Ike, tugging his mother's skirt for amusement.

"Um, hi Mom..." Kyle timidly greeted, walking past the couch as quick as possible and towards the stairs. "If you need me, I'll be upstai-"

Kyle was interrupted by his father, who was sitting next to Shelia. "Kyle, come back over here, please." The Jewish boy paused for a couple of seconds and turned around to walk back to the furniture. He stopped in front of Gerald and stared into his father's eyes, begging to himself that his father would not deepen the pool of suspicion between him and Stan.

"Son, why are you home later than usual? Were you hanging out with Stanley? I thought I told you last night to stop playing with each other until you two learn to love each other as friends!"

"But we do love each other as friends. Me and Stan's status is best friends and only best friends. If we have been friends for so long, why do you now assume we're gay?"

"Mr. Mackey showed you that website on computer. YOU PUKED ON IT, SON! I understand you want to see yourself as a normal person, but..." Mr. Broflovski paused mid-sentence, trying to avoid letting a tear tumble from his eye. He stroked a finger under his right eye and continued explaining to his son. "...the only way you can be normal is if you keep away from the person who's making you act 'funny'."

"AHRGGG!!" growled an irritated Kyle as he clenched his fists and walked away from his ignorant father who just could not comprehend what Kyle was trying to prove. He stormed upstairs.

_At least they won't bother us tomorow morning..._

_

* * *

_

"Let's see... a few trucks, my Phillip doll, the flashlight, and my favorite action figure; everything's set!" Kyle, kneeling beside his bed in his pajamas, zipped his open red backpack and placed it on his back. He then stood up and faced his bed. Under the blankets rested Kyle's pillow, which was his decoy if his parents wanted to check on him. At the foot of the bed was the supplies Kyle needed for school, like his textbooks, a notebook, pencils, and a box of crayons.

Before venturing off, Kyle stared at his alarm clock. It read **5:26**. "Okay. Time to walk to the bus stop," Kyle declared, tiptoeing out of his room. He then walked down the stairs and exited the front door. He cotinued to walk until he reached the bus stop. Stan was sitting with his legs outstretched and his head and upper back leaning on the padestrian crossing sign. A blue backpack laid beside him. His eyes were closed. Apperantly, he dozed off while waiting for Kyle and Kenny.

Kyle crept towards his friend and nudged him on the shoulder. "Stan? Stan!"

Stan began to stir and slightly opened his eyes. "Kyle? Oh, h- hey," he shivered, cold from being outside so early. "Is Kenny here?" he asked as he got off the snow covered ground. As if on cue, Kenny walked up to the bus stop. He was wearing his parka and carrying his green backpack.

"Hey, dude!" Srtan and Kyle greeted in unison.

"Not that we're all here, do you two have everything?" Stan asked. Kyle and Kenny nodded their heads. "Okay. Well, just follow me to the old guy's house so we can check out the shed."

The three boys walked left from the bus stop. Ten minutes later, they came across a house with a mailbox that read **Davin Savers.** Behind his house was a thick forest.

The boys took out their flashlights and turned them on, for it would be hard to delve the shadowy forest without them. "Now to find the shed..." Kyle whispered, him and Kenny still following their raven haired friend. The trio made a left and entered the overgrown garden. After a few minutes of searching, they came across a cube-like figure; the shed!

"Well, this is it. The shed looks pretty good..." Stan said, moving his flashlight back and forth to view the wooden shed. The shed was about the size of a public restroom. A window was located on it, also. Moss and fungi claimed territories across the miniature house. Stan opened the door on it, which released the grip of some of the moss and grass that bonded the door to the shed. Inside, a few dead leaves were scattered around. An earthy aroma polluted the shed.

"For some reason, I want to call this place home~" Kenny cooed with a nostalgic look in his eyes. The shed reminded him of a neater version of his home.

"We should decorate and clean up. I brought a blanket, a cresent shaped press night light, a Terrance and Phillip poster, and some tape. I also bought the new Mighty Monsters toy at the store using the money Kyle gave us." Stan pulled the mentioned toy from his bag.

"You two?" Kenny pulled out a Mighty Monsters action figure as well.

"Cool! Yours is a Flamboyaurs. And Stan, you have a Teabagarlis? I wanted one, but they ran out... I had to get a crappy Go Go Gravers toy." The sight of his friend's Mighty Monsters made him feel left out, because he didn't own a single Mighty Monster action figure.

Stan continued his brief explanation. "After we clean up and stuff, we can play for a while then sneak back home before our parents ever notice.

The boys worked hard to tidy things up. Their focus repayed them with a clean shed with a thick blanket for carpetting. On the farrest wall portruded the press night light. The Terrance and Phillip poster was taped firmly to the wall. You could say the shed was a bedless kid's room. Affterwards, the boys played with their toys. The boys departed from their hideout to go home once the sun lit the morning sky.


	6. Chapter 6: The Morning Lie

Kenny was right in front of his doorstep, entering his house. Carol was pouring some milk in a cup in the kitchen when she heard the squeaking shake of the door.

"Wha- Who's there? If you're a robber, you're screwed because we don't have much here at all!" Carol warned, nearly causing her cup to overflow and tilt. She crept to the living room carrying a frying pan. "Show yourself!" she ordered, turning frantically. The red head soon learned the criminal was her nine year old son.

"Kenny, you gave me a heart attack! What were you doing outside? You need your rest so you won't grow up to get hang-overs and headaches in the morning like your God damn father!" She screamed as if she was striving for her alcoholic husband to hear her hypocritic insult. Stuart was oblivious to her comment, though, for he was dead asleep in bed.

"Well, Mom, have you ever looked in the sky early in the morning to see the swirling colors create a tasteless rainbow smoothie? Looking at the wisps of pink and cerulean blue makes me smile," crafted the cunning Kenny.

Carol formed a smile on her lips and kneeled down to Kenny to hug him. "Kenneth, you make me so proud!" she wispered in his ear. "Now, go get ready for school; it's 6:59. I'll make you a bread and ketchup sandwich for breakfast."

"Okay, Mom!" Kenny obeyed, snickering under his breath.

* * *

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny continued to meet up at their hideout. The boys even snuck board games and snacks. The Marshes and Broflovskis gradually believed their boys were "becoming straight". No one in town was aware about the boys sneaking out except Wendy. The boys felt they trusted her enough to tell her the secret. She never actually visited the shed. A meddeling boy would soon once again see something that should have been unknown, though...

Cartman sat on the edge of his bed on a Tuesday morning. It was at least 1:13 AM. He was feeling restless and just could not fall asleep. To solve his insomnia, he crawled to the side of the bed and looked out of his window. Maybe the dull, silent scenery would leave him in slumber. Just as he expected, he became drowsy from staring outside. The obese boy nearly fell asleep, but something triggered his attention: three dots colored blue, orange, and green were walking out of a colossal, greenish-brown meatloaf.

Cartman quickly translated the symbols he saw. "Oh my God! Those assholes were going out without me to assist them?! Friends these days... I should go tell them off tomorrow." Cartman buried himself back under his blankets and finally won himself a trip to Dreamland.

* * *

"Hey Jew, Hippie, Poor-Ass, why the hell did you three go out into the forest last night and leave me behind? Kenny's joining the faggots and their kissing games?" Cartman was confronting his other three friends at lunch. Wendy was sitting at the same table as them, for she felt sad for Stan and Kyle and wanted to support the two like Kenny was.

"Cartman, what the heck are you talking about?" asked the two children in the group that loathed Cartman the most (Kyle and Wendy, if you don't have a clue who I'm talking about...). The two knew exactly what he was talking about but obviously couldn't tell him.

Stan added, "You sound insane, dude. We were asleep last night in bed."

"Maybe you saw some citizens of this town that look similar to them," Wendy suggested.

The imaginative Kenny provided an example. "Like three prostitutes modeling green, orange, and blue hats!"

Kyle, sitting next to Kenny, stared at him along with his other friends. "Yeah, Kenny; like that..."

"Whateva. I'll find out what you douches are doing." With that, Cartman walked away.

"Should we still go to the shed, Stan?" Kenny whispered once Eric was farther away. He placed his elbows on the table and held his head in his hands.

"We should hold off tonight; Cartman might try to come find the shed today. He'll probably only make one attempt to find out what we were doing and come back unsuccessful, so we can come tomorrow."

"Stan, please be careful... I don't want that asshole to find out about you," Wendy cooed, placing her hand on Stan's leg.

"I'll try, Wendy..."

* * *

"Mooommm, may I have $99.99?"

Cartman was sitting with his mom in the kitchen. He was begging his mother to give him money for a rather expensive electronic device.

"For what, poopsikens?" asked Liane Cartman.

"There's this awesome toy called the Super Ultra Tom Peeper 300 and I _really_ need it."

"But Eric, is this item really that important? I'm sure it can wait..."

"But mwaaaam, I need it now!"

"Eric..."

"But mwaaaam... Mwaaaammm! Whaahaaahaaamaaaa~!" cried Cartman, slurring his English language into the sound of a liter of starving piglets.

"Okay, Eric. Here's $100. Go buy what you need..." The young mother reached into her purse and pulled out a $100 bill.

"Yay!" Eric cheered as he jumped out of his chair and ran out of the door. He walked to Radio Shack and quickly grabbed the box containing the Super Ultra Tom- *inhales and exhales*... you know what I'm talking about! -_- Anyway, when he raced to the check-out line, an unbelievable statement almost caused him to collapse and bawl on the floor.

"What do you mean $104.32?! It costs $99.99!" Cartman demanded to know.

"Uhh... Dude, you know we charge tax here, right?" reminded the cashier.

"Waa? Whaa, whaa, whaa, whaa..." hyperventilated Cartman, placing his hands on his chest.

"Edward, let the boy have his toy for $100! Would you rather him try to steal the device or worse, hold a grudge on us and try to commit homicide on you and me?" ordered the manager of the store.

"Fine..." moaned Edward as he gave the young boy the box and accepted Cartman's money.

"Hahaa~" Cartman mischievously cheered, exiting the Radio Shack.

"Stan and Kyle sitting in a tree F-U-C-K-I..."

**Stay tuned for the next chapter! :3**


	7. Chapter 7: Up in Flames

"Let's see... Screw in side A in side B. Damn it! I screwed it in side D."

Cartman was laying on his tummy on the floor of his room. He was trying to assemble his video watcher for the Super Ultra Tom Peeper 300. The various small parts and miniature instructions made Cartman struggle.

"At this rate, I'll never get this thing built... I might as well buy a camera and take a pictu- Wait! This piece of crap comes with a simple, flashless camera! I can use that instead."

Cartman raced downstairs and through the front door, the camera in his grip. He continued to run, relying on his memory to lead him to the forest he saw Stan, Kyle, and Kenny exiting from. As he entered the forest, the large trees surrounding the area only allowed tiny fragments of light to show the way. He searched all over the forest, yet he was unsuccessful. Even if he couldn't find incriminating evidence of Stan and Kyle, he could still attempt to frame the two without proof. He made every student and staff member at South Park Elementary believe they were gay without visible proof; he could make the parents believe their sons snuck out together, too. Cartman decided to activate his plan at 12:10 AM.

Cartman tiptoed through his house, trying to find the nearest phone. Once he found one, he dialed the Marsh residence, growing more and more impatient after each ring. A long yawn replaced the seventh ring, following a groggy, "Mmm... Hello...?" from the man of the house, Mr. Marsh.

"Hello, Stan's dad. I know you're probably perplexed as to why I'm calling you around 12:00."

"Uh, yeah... You're Cartman, Stan's friend, right? Why _are_ you calling?" Randy asked, a hint of irritableness in his voice.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you to check on Stanley; make sure he's still in his room. I think you'll see a big suprise!"

Even more puzzled, Randy walked out of his room and checked on Stan. His son was not in bed, though.

"He's not in his room. He's probably in the bathroom or something..."

"Or maybe he left the house to go somewhere! Like be with Kahl~" Cartman hinted, scratching his hair.

"I don't know about that; Stan is a good boy. He's been straightening out a bit. I'm sure he is not that desperate to be with his friend, Cartman."

"If you trust your son so well, why don't you look around the house for him?"

"Okay, but I still don't think Stan left the house. Well, I'm gonna hang up now. Bye..." Mr. Marsh grumbled, skeptic that Stan would actually disobey him. He placed the phone in his robe pocket. Mr. Marsh knocked on the bathroom door, however no voice answered from inside. Eyebrows raising, Randy pushed opened the door. Realizing it was vacant, he ran downstairs. "Stan? Stan!" he called, searching the living room; then the kitchen. "Oh God, what if that fat boy was right? Stan!!"

After Randy's last cry, the front door opened, revealing his son's location. "Stan? Why the heck were you outside?" Randy asked, suprised.

"This stray dog was barking outside in our yard. All I did was feed it a slice of ham from the leftovers and shooed it away..."

"Um, okay. You're sure that's why you were out?"

"Yeah, I'm sure!" Stan fiercly claimed. His father's question made him nervous about the previous nights he snuck out, even if he only went out this current night to make the stray dog go away.

"Okay, then... Go back to bed, now!"

In a slumped posture, Stan sluggishly walked to his room.

"Maybe I'm just being paranoid; Stan's been doing great. I should just have faith in him." All of a sudden, the phone in his robe pocket started to ring. Randy quickly grabbed the phone and answered it.

"Ello?" he said as he scratched his upper leg.

"It's Cartman again. So, did you find Stan with success or was I right all along?" Cartman boastfully asked.

"Actually, _I did_ find Stan. It's late... Goodnight," Randy moaned, turning off the phone.

"Whaa- Don't you hang up on me you stupid hillbilly! Stan and Kyle have been-"

"Poopsy, why are you up so early? You should be sleeping in bed," Mrs. Cartman inturrupted.

Cartman sighed and hung up the phone. He walked to his room and crawled into bed, agitated that Stan was actually at home. If Stan was at home, then Kyle probably wouldn't go into the forest or wherever the two boys snuck off to. If Kyle and Stan were absent, Kenny wouldn't have anyone to play with, so he'd stay home as well.

"Well, getting them will be harder than I thought... I'll have to find another way."

* * *

It was a windy Friday morning; so windy, Stan and Kyle had to wear on their coats over their pajamas. It was at least 6:13 AM. As the three boy entered the forest and turned on their flashlights, they noticed some used cigarettes and empty alcohol bottles.

"What the hell? Why is there so much litter in the forest? What happened?" Stan complained.

"Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! Stan, why are you going Captain Planet on us? It's just litter; it won't hurt us..." Kenny laughed.

"Stan has a point about the litter. It's not the forest itself I'm worried about, though," Kyle pointed out.

The trio continued to walk towards the shed, gaining more control in walking because of the shroud of trees. The three counted the debris on the ground and ignored the tainted smells that polluted the forest. When they reached the shed, they heard noises echoing from it.

"Oh God... Please don't tell me someone is in there," Kyle whined.

With worried eyes glaring at the door, the boys entered the shed. They were immediately taken back from what they saw.

"Hey, dudes! Who are you?" asked a slightly hairy man with bedraggled hair tied back wearing a tie-dyed shirt. He was standing near his four friends. In the center of them was a small meth lab. From far away, the scene looked like adults standing by a campfire.

"We're the owners of this shed and right now, you are trespassing as well as breaking and entering! Get the hell off our property!" Kyle demanded, fuming from the site of the substance abusers.

"And you're hippies! Hippies don't litter on the ground!" Stan argued, even though his sentence was irrelevant to the main issue.

"What are you talking about? The items we threw on the ground came from the earth originally, so technically it can be decomposed and help the earth!" said one of the hippies, obviously not grasping the difference between organic and inorganic litter.

"Dumbass, cigarettes can't decompose! They're manufactured products..." Kenny corrected. "Get out of here!"

The eyes of the hippies widened. Dumbstruck, one of them squealed, "That orange just talked! That giant orange just opened it's invisible mouth and said somethin'!"

"You know, **FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL!!**" exploded Kyle as he exitted from what use to be _their_ shed. Stan and Kenny defeatedly walked out as well. Apperantly, Kyle's heatwave barely effected the hippies in the room because they continued inhaling and smoking their toxins.

"This sucks!" Kenny moped as he stood about two yards away from the shed.

"I know!" Kyle agreed, clenching his fist. After all of their work, they lost their shed to a bunch of unintelligent, hypocritic drug addicts. Who wouldn't agree?

Everything was silent and depressing for at least half a minute as they stood there. A strong breeze seeped its way inside of the forest.

**_"BROOOOOMMMMCRRRRSHHHHHHHH," _**boomed the shed from behind. Everything shook and turned a turbulent scarlet. Then the hue decended to black.


End file.
